Why does asking for your fees in person feel so uncomfortable? You’ve built a business, delivered results, and earned your expertise. However, when it is time to discuss pricing, you might hesitate or even guilty. You’re not alone if you’ve compromised your value to avoid conflict or rejection. Let’s unpack why this happens and what you can do to change it.
Problem Statement
You’ve been here before. You’re meeting with a potential client, and the conversation is going great. The client feels you can help them, and you are confident you can deliver the benefits they are seeking.
When it is time to bring up your fees, self-doubt creeps in. You wonder, “Am I asking for too much? Will they think I’m greedy?” Rather than confidently stating your price, you soften your request or even offer a discount in advance.
This hesitation can cause real problems for CEOs and business leaders. It leads to undervaluing your work, losing revenue, and, most importantly, creating a perception that you lack confidence in your value. Why does this happen, and how can you change your mindset to approach these conversations differently?
In negotiation, we find that three concerns are omnipresent:
- Will I get what I am worth?
- Will someone take advantage of me?
- Will I damage relationships by pushing too hard?
These concerns are valid and natural, but they can lead to self-sabotage.
Why It Matters:
The OmniLevel System of Negotiation addresses these concerns by remembering this one thing. When you are negotiating, the other side is talking to you for a reason. They think you can help them get something they cannot or do not want to get on their own.
How you talk about pricing shows your confidence and authority as a decision-maker. Undervaluing yourself doesn’t only hurt your income—it can also hurt your brand. If you’re not confident in your pricing, why should your client be convinced of the value you provide?
Feeling guilty or undervaluing your work often comes from imposter syndrome or fear of conflict. A study in Psychological Science shows that people with imposter syndrome underestimate their skills. They also struggle to see their successes (Bravata et al., 2020.) This mindset can make even top professionals doubt their value in negotiations.
Studies on negotiation psychology show that confidence is the key to getting good results. Negotiators who approached discussions with clarity and self-assurance were more likely to secure mutually beneficial agreements and build stronger relationships (Galinsky et al., 2008). For business leaders, mastering your mindset and approach to pricing discussions is not just helpful—it’s essential.
The Main Points
1. They are Talking to You for a Reason.
When you’re negotiating, the other person isn’t randomly sitting across from you. They are there because they see value in what you offer. Whether you are solving a problem or providing products or services, they’ve come to you because they believe you can help. This is the foundation of any negotiation.
Instead of focusing on whether they’ll agree to your price, shift your perspective to this: You have something they need. This mindset balances the power dynamic in the conversation. You are not begging for their business—you’re discussing how your expertise can meet their needs.
2. Imposter Syndrome
The tendency to self-compromise on fees is rooted in psychological phenomena that can affect even highly skilled professionals. Research published by the International Journal of Behavioral Development found that impostor feelings are experienced by an estimated 70% of professionals at some point in their careers (Bravata et al., 2020).
You might think, “This is easy for me, so why should I charge so much?” However, what feels easy today did not come without years of effort, trial, and hard-won experience.
Take, for example, a CEO who can quickly diagnose inefficiencies in a company’s operations. That insight isn’t about the hour it took to identify the problem—it’s about decades of experience that made it possible to do so. Charging less because it “feels easy” dismisses the value of your expertise. Remember, your clients are not paying for your time; they’re paying for the results you can deliver.
Individuals with higher levels of education and achievement were paradoxically more likely to experience impostor feelings, leading to systematic undervaluing of their services. This aligns with findings from Clance & Imes’ original work (1978), which established that highly successful people often maintain internal feelings of fraudulence despite objective evidence of their competence.
3. Rejection Isn’t the End of the Conversation
Fear of rejection is natural, but it can paralyze your ability to ask for what you deserve. Here’s the truth: A “no” is not the end of the conversation; it’s just a decision that signals the beginning of deeper negotiation strategies.
Rejection gives you valuable information. It shows you where the other side stands and their priorities. Use rejection as an opportunity to ask questions. “Our offer is designed to provide you with what you are looking for; what did we miss?”
This approach shifts the focus from rejection to collaboration, which enables you to refine your offer while maintaining your worth.
4. Confidence Comes from Preparation
One of the most effective ways to reduce guilt and fear during pricing conversations is preparation. Knowing the market, your competitors, and what your counterparty wants helps you enter the room with clarity and confidence.
Start by researching what others in your industry charge for similar services. Combine this with a deep understanding of your client’s goals and challenges. When you’ve done your homework, you’re equipped to prove exactly why your offer and its investment cost align with the value you bring. Preparation isn’t only a tactical advantage—it’s a psychological one, too.
5. Undervaluing Yourself Can Undermine Trust.
Many professionals overlook this: When you lower your price without anyone asking, you can make others doubt your credibility. If your price seems “too good to be true,” they might question your ability to deliver the quality they need.
People expect to pay a fair price for great work. By standing firm on your value, you reinforce the other side’s confidence in your ability to deliver results. Remember, a price that reflects your worth isn’t just about money—it’s about trust and perception.
Practical Steps
- Research Your Market. Understand what others in your field charge for similar services. This gives you a realistic baseline and prevents you from undervaluing yourself. Use online tools, industry reports, or conversations with peers to gather data.
- Focus on Discovery First. Before discussing fees, spend time understanding the other person’s needs. Ask questions like, “What problem are you trying to solve?”. “What makes this important to you now?” and “What’s your timeline for achieving this?” The more you know about the value they will receive from you, the better you can frame your value to them.
- Frame Your Price Around Value When it’s time to discuss fees, don’t just throw out a number. Demonstrate how your solution addresses their specific problem. For example, “Based on what we’ve discussed, here is what we can deliver, how we will deliver it, and the benefits you will receive. To deliver this value to you, our fee is —” If they do not have the budget, then it’s your decision to potentially adjust what you deliver to fit their budget. You are asking them to either reduce what they will get or pay full price.
- Role-Play Difficult Conversations Practice stating your fees with confidence. Enlist a mentor or colleague to role-play scenarios where you handle objections. The more you rehearse, the more natural this will feel in real conversations.
- Don’t Fear Rejection If the person pushes back on your price, use it to clarify their priorities. Ask, “Can you share your concerns about our offer?” This shows you’re open to discussion without immediately lowering your value.
Common Questions:
Q: What if they say, “You need to sharpen your pencil?” or another statement implying you should lower your price? A: First, confirm if they are making the decision to reject your offer vs. making a statement that they prefer a lower price. Respond with, “Our offer considers what is required for us to deliver the results you deserve. How would you like to proceed?'”
Q: What if they think my price is too high? A: If they express concerns, ask questions to understand their perspective. “What outcomes are most important to you?” This helps you frame your price in terms of the value they will receive vs. the cost they will pay.
Q: How do I stop feeling guilty about asking for my fees? A: Remind yourself that your price reflects your expertise and the results you deliver. You’re not asking for charity—you’re offering a solution to their problem and only asking for a share of the value you create for them.
Q: What if they reject my price entirely? A: Rejection is not the end. Use it as an opportunity to revisit their needs. If their budget truly doesn’t align with your value, it’s okay to walk away. Not every deal is the right fit.
Q: Should I ever lower my price? A: Only if it makes sense and still reflects your worth. If you choose to adjust your fee, make it clear that your change is based on specific factors, like scope or timeline, rather than undervaluing yourself.After you make an offer, don’t let “statements” from your respected opponent define your next steps or lead you to compromise too hastily. When the other side gives you statements instead of a decision, don’t negotiate against yourself and make unnecessary concessions.
Call To Action:
As a leader, entrepreneur, or business professional, it’s time to stop letting your guilt dictate your pricing conversations. Prepare well, know the other side’s needs, and state your fees clearly. This way, you can negotiate fairly and with confidence. The next time you’re in this challenge, remember: You’re not just asking for payment—you are communicating the value you bring.
Summary:
Asking for your fees in person can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to. This discomfort often stems from fear of rejection, imposter syndrome, or a lack of preparation. By shifting your mindset and focusing on the value you bring, you can approach pricing conversations with confidence. Remember, the other person is negotiating with you because they see value in what you offer. When you stand firm on your worth, you protect your income and build trust and credibility in your brand.
Research Citations
- Bravata, D. M., S. A. Watts, A. L. Keefer, D. K. Madhusudhan, K. T. Taylor, D. M. Clark, R. S. Nelson, and H. K. Hagg. 2020. “Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Imposter Syndrome: A Systematic Review.” *Psychological Science* 31 (2): 1–16.
- Galinsky, A. D., Maddux, W. W., Gilin, D., & White, J. B. (2008). Why it pays to get inside the head of your opponent: The differential effects of perspective taking and empathy in negotiations. Psychological Science, 19(4), 378–384.
- Clance, Pauline R., and Suzanne A. Imes. 1978. “The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.” *Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice* 15 (3): 241–247.
